A Conservative Father, a Sociology Student Daughter, and a Wedding Raid

A father who grew harsher with age

He was a short-tempered man. Although he had grown up in a fairly open-minded, liberal household, the older he became the more rigid and conservative he turned-until it bordered on xenophobia. He criticised almost everyone and everything, especially anyone who did not behave in a "proper" way.

He married towards the end of his late twenties, after his girlfriend agreed to a condition: she would stay at home until any children they might have reached the age of ten. She accepted, reluctantly, yet she honoured that promise, and their marriage carried on without major upsets.

Bringing up their daughter: schooling, status, and control

Two years later, they had a daughter who, as expected, quickly became the centre of both their lives. When she was four, he fought against sending her to school, insisting instead on primary education at home. That was when the first hints of social snobbery appeared. He would tell her mother that even in a private school the child would hear swearing, learn to misbehave, and become more and more unlike "us".

When the girl turned ten, she enrolled at a school with a strong reputation. She settled in with ease and made friends, but the moment she started mentioning male friends her father bristled. You are far too young to be spending time with boys...

Academically she did well and was clearly drawn to the humanities, which sparked the first real clashes with her father. By then he was increasingly wedded to the idea that the poor simply did not want to work. Her mother-an experienced social worker who knew the realities of the country-kept trying to cool things down.

Sociology, university life, and a relationship kept hidden

Likely encouraged by her mother, she applied for Sociology. Her father tried to block it: that degree is useless, you will end up living in poverty, and other similarly foolish pronouncements.

In her first year she was thrilled by the course; it was exactly what she had hoped for. She loved the group projects, the lecturers, and the general atmosphere on campus. Most days she stayed at university for as long as possible, avoiding going home early so she would not have to listen to her father sneer: so, have you learned yet how to hand out money to the lazy?

Then things took a turn that mattered far more. In her teens she had had a few brief romances that never meant much and fizzled out quickly. Now she found herself experiencing something new: she was falling in love. It was with a fellow student-one year ahead-who began spending time with her group. Before long they were together, in other words, in a socially recognised relationship.

She spoke to her mother. As always, she shared everything-or almost everything-and admitted she was worried about what her father would almost certainly say. Her boyfriend studied, but at night he played guitar in bars and sometimes smoked cannabis. He never pushed her to do the same, but she did not see it as an issue; it was only occasional. Even if those "details" could be kept from her father, the boyfriend’s clothes, his manner, and the relaxed way he spoke to older people made it clear it would not go well.

Pregnancy, a disastrous dinner, and the wedding raid

Two years went by with the relationship hidden from her father, until the situation became a full-blown mess. She became pregnant. Both of them were delighted, and there was no question of not having the baby. After a few weeks, she decided she had to tell her father. The reaction is easy to imagine, yet his first question was: who is the bloke, I want to meet him.

A dinner was arranged at her parents’ house. The bloke dressed as formally as he could manage, but it made no difference-he clearly failed the assessment. On top of everything else, the end of a tattoo showed at the cuff of his shirt. The meal finished badly when they announced, "we’re going to get married".

Her father responded at once. I cannot stop you from marrying, but you are not the man for my daughter. Out of respect for her decision-which I think is nonsense-we, her parents, will attend the official ceremony, and then we will leave. I am not prepared to mix with people who are stoned and who drink like sponges.

She was devastated, but she told her future husband: "You’ll see-when the little grandchild arrives, he’ll soften and become the best grandad in the world."

But revenge was already brewing. On the wedding day, after he and his wife had left, he rang the police to report that a rave was taking place. Keen to show they were doing something, they carried out a raid. The newlyweds, along with a few friends, ended up spending the night in the cells before being taken before a judge the following day.